RAISING HOPE

What's the Big Idea?

“Finding permanent and universal causes of good events along with temporary and specific causes for misfortune is the art of hope.” (Martin E. P. Seligman, Authentic Happiness)

So What?

Hope is critical to a thriving life. It provides the energy necessary to move toward God and grow into the person he created us to be. With hope one little boy, for example, will shovel through mounds of manure convinced that with all that manure there must be a pony in there somewhere. 

We experience hope when we firmly expect that our desired goal can be achieved. We can strengthen our hope when, as good things happen in our lives, we are able to use permanent reasons to explain those good things, such as “I received the promotion due to years of skill development and work ethic.” Likewise, we can protect our hope (which is just as important but usually more difficult) when, as unfortunate events occur in our lives, we are able to attribute temporary reasons to those events, such as “I kept that argument going because I was just having a bad day.” And as a wonderful by-product of this hope, we tend to be much happier people overall. Could it be, then, that hopefulness + happiness = joy?

Notice the words of the Psalmist (chapter 33):

²⁰ We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. 

²¹ In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. 

²² May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you. 

The Lord of Hope is our rock of permanency, the author of all good things. Anything or anyone else is temporary, shifting sand, nothing in comparison. Hope both edits the bad (as mostly fleeting) and inspires the good (as much more lasting).

  

Now What? 

When something negative happens in your life and you are tempted to assign permanent causes for it, stop and reconsider. Try to find temporary causes for it instead. Maybe the cashier was rude because he ate a bad breakfast burrito that morning, or your wife yelled at you because her boss griped at her all afternoon, or even this: the neighbor's house was destroyed by the tornado or the little girl died of leukemia because we live in a fallen, destructible, temporary (thankfully) sort of world. 

As Dr. Seligman notes above, research indicates that the more often you can find temporary causes for the negative things, as well as find permanent reasons for the positive ones, the more you protect and strengthen your hope. "And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5:5)


--S.a.t.S.

RAISING HOPE

What's the Big Idea?

“Finding permanent and universal causes of good events along with temporary and specific causes for misfortune is the art of hope.” (Martin E. P. Seligman, Authentic Happiness)

So What?

Hope is critical to a thriving life. It provides the energy necessary to move toward God and grow into the person he created us to be. With hope one little boy, for example, will shovel through mounds of manure convinced that with all that manure there must be a pony in there somewhere. 

We experience hope when we firmly expect that our desired goal can be achieved. We can strengthen our hope when, as good things happen in our lives, we are able to use permanent reasons to explain those good things, such as “I received the promotion due to years of skill development and work ethic.” Likewise, we can protect our hope (which is just as important but usually more difficult) when, as unfortunate events occur in our lives, we are able to attribute temporary reasons to those events, such as “I kept that argument going because I was just having a bad day.” And as a wonderful by-product of this hope, we tend to be much happier people overall. Could it be, then, that hopefulness + happiness = joy?

Notice the words of the Psalmist (chapter 33):

²⁰ We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. 

²¹ In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. 

²² May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you. 

The Lord of Hope is our rock of permanency, the author of all good things. Anything or anyone else is temporary, shifting sand, nothing in comparison. Hope both edits the bad (as mostly fleeting) and inspires the good (as much more lasting).

  

Now What? 

When something negative happens in your life and you are tempted to assign permanent causes for it, stop and reconsider. Try to find temporary causes for it instead. Maybe the cashier was rude because he ate a bad breakfast burrito that morning, or your wife yelled at you because her boss griped at her all afternoon, or even this: the neighbor's house was destroyed by the tornado or the little girl died of leukemia because we live in a fallen, destructible, temporary (thankfully) sort of world. 

As Dr. Seligman notes above, research indicates that the more often you can find temporary causes for the negative things, as well as find permanent reasons for the positive ones, the more you protect and strengthen your hope. "And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5:5)


--S.a.t.S.

BEING HAPPY TOGETHER

Driving to happiness

What's the Big Idea?

" Most couples believe, 'If only we could solve our problems, then we could be happy together.' The opposite is actually true: if you focus first on being happy together your problems will diminish." (Susan Page, Why Talking is Not Enough)

So What?

Sometimes we as married couples (and really in all our relationships) get so bogged down by problems that we lose sight of positives, like why we fell in love in the first place. If we choose to focus on the good things in our partner and our relationship, then our problems will not seem so overwhelming. Indeed, highlighting the positives rather than the problems can actually trigger creative solutions to address those same problems that have captivated our thoughts and constrained our progress.


The truth is, solutions do not necessarily have anything to do with the problem. Engaging in a painstaking search for the cause-and-effect relation to a problem can just make the problem bigger. It can also be unnecessary, since change in our relationships is both inevitable and, more importantly, unpredictable. For example, a spouse may become dissatisfied with the relationship for one reason or another and as a result become increasingly frustrated, depressed, and resentful. An unexpected change though, outside of the relationship (and not directly related to the problem), such as a new haircut or a renewed hobby or a rekindled friendship, may result in a general change in attitude that affects his or her perception of and performance in the relationship.

 

Now What? 

So try to spend more time focused on the good aspects of your partner and relationship, on being happy together, and less time on the problems and how to solve them. Remember all the reasons you fell in love. Look through old pictures, reliving happy times you have experienced together. The more positive feelings you have about your relationship the better you will be able to deal with problems when they arise.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kfrgeGzKgc&w=420&h=315]

--S.a.t.S.

BEING HAPPY TOGETHER

Driving to happiness

What's the Big Idea?

" Most couples believe, 'If only we could solve our problems, then we could be happy together.' The opposite is actually true: if you focus first on being happy together your problems will diminish." (Susan Page, Why Talking is Not Enough)

So What?

Sometimes we as married couples (and really in all our relationships) get so bogged down by problems that we lose sight of positives, like why we fell in love in the first place. If we choose to focus on the good things in our partner and our relationship, then our problems will not seem so overwhelming. Indeed, highlighting the positives rather than the problems can actually trigger creative solutions to address those same problems that have captivated our thoughts and constrained our progress.


The truth is, solutions do not necessarily have anything to do with the problem. Engaging in a painstaking search for the cause-and-effect relation to a problem can just make the problem bigger. It can also be unnecessary, since change in our relationships is both inevitable and, more importantly, unpredictable. For example, a spouse may become dissatisfied with the relationship for one reason or another and as a result become increasingly frustrated, depressed, and resentful. An unexpected change though, outside of the relationship (and not directly related to the problem), such as a new haircut or a renewed hobby or a rekindled friendship, may result in a general change in attitude that affects his or her perception of and performance in the relationship.

Now What? 

So try to spend more time focused on the good aspects of your partner and relationship, on being happy together, and less time on the problems and how to solve them. Remember all the reasons you fell in love. Look through old pictures, reliving happy times you have experienced together. The more positive feelings you have about your relationship the better you will be able to deal with problems when they arise.


--S.a.t.S.