BEING HAPPY TOGETHER

Driving to happiness

What's the Big Idea?

" Most couples believe, 'If only we could solve our problems, then we could be happy together.' The opposite is actually true: if you focus first on being happy together your problems will diminish." (Susan Page, Why Talking is Not Enough)

So What?

Sometimes we as married couples (and really in all our relationships) get so bogged down by problems that we lose sight of positives, like why we fell in love in the first place. If we choose to focus on the good things in our partner and our relationship, then our problems will not seem so overwhelming. Indeed, highlighting the positives rather than the problems can actually trigger creative solutions to address those same problems that have captivated our thoughts and constrained our progress.


The truth is, solutions do not necessarily have anything to do with the problem. Engaging in a painstaking search for the cause-and-effect relation to a problem can just make the problem bigger. It can also be unnecessary, since change in our relationships is both inevitable and, more importantly, unpredictable. For example, a spouse may become dissatisfied with the relationship for one reason or another and as a result become increasingly frustrated, depressed, and resentful. An unexpected change though, outside of the relationship (and not directly related to the problem), such as a new haircut or a renewed hobby or a rekindled friendship, may result in a general change in attitude that affects his or her perception of and performance in the relationship.

 

Now What? 

So try to spend more time focused on the good aspects of your partner and relationship, on being happy together, and less time on the problems and how to solve them. Remember all the reasons you fell in love. Look through old pictures, reliving happy times you have experienced together. The more positive feelings you have about your relationship the better you will be able to deal with problems when they arise.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kfrgeGzKgc&w=420&h=315]

--S.a.t.S.

BEING HAPPY TOGETHER

Driving to happiness

What's the Big Idea?

" Most couples believe, 'If only we could solve our problems, then we could be happy together.' The opposite is actually true: if you focus first on being happy together your problems will diminish." (Susan Page, Why Talking is Not Enough)

So What?

Sometimes we as married couples (and really in all our relationships) get so bogged down by problems that we lose sight of positives, like why we fell in love in the first place. If we choose to focus on the good things in our partner and our relationship, then our problems will not seem so overwhelming. Indeed, highlighting the positives rather than the problems can actually trigger creative solutions to address those same problems that have captivated our thoughts and constrained our progress.


The truth is, solutions do not necessarily have anything to do with the problem. Engaging in a painstaking search for the cause-and-effect relation to a problem can just make the problem bigger. It can also be unnecessary, since change in our relationships is both inevitable and, more importantly, unpredictable. For example, a spouse may become dissatisfied with the relationship for one reason or another and as a result become increasingly frustrated, depressed, and resentful. An unexpected change though, outside of the relationship (and not directly related to the problem), such as a new haircut or a renewed hobby or a rekindled friendship, may result in a general change in attitude that affects his or her perception of and performance in the relationship.

Now What? 

So try to spend more time focused on the good aspects of your partner and relationship, on being happy together, and less time on the problems and how to solve them. Remember all the reasons you fell in love. Look through old pictures, reliving happy times you have experienced together. The more positive feelings you have about your relationship the better you will be able to deal with problems when they arise.


--S.a.t.S.