WEDDING PLANNER

"Do you know what you'd like to be when you grow up?" I asked a young lady seated across from in my counseling office. It's a typical get-to-know-you question I ask my younger clients. I normally get the typical answers, too. In her case though, I got anything but the typical answer: "I'd like to be a wedding planner."

Now, for the modern young lady this response isn't all that surprising, especially when you consider the glut of reality television programs today related to such professions, like wedding planning. But for this young lady it was actually quite shocking that this - a profession related to marriage - would be her life dream.

After all, she had just finished describing to me the on-going, painful dissolution of her own parent's marriage - all the arguing, cheating, separating, divorcing; all the ugly battles in court; all the bickering and manipulating over custody and visitation; all the hassle and sadness of going back and forth between homes; all the humiliating fighting of her parents in public; all the pain, fear, and confusion over her parents re-dating; all the numbness and isolation of getting caught in the middle of her parent's marital conflict.... And her dream is to be a what?

Children react differently to divorce. A child's age, development, temperament, level of maturity, and other individual factors influence their unique reactions to the break up of their family. But the following are some common reactions for most children: worry about being separated from one or both parents; clingy behavior; anger and aggression; sadness; withdrawing from family or other activities; inability to tolerate frustrating situations; eating and sleeping problems; hyper-sensitivity to criticism; physical complaints (e.g., headaches, stomach pains, fatigue, etc.).

During the divorce process parents struggle to restructure both their individual lives and their family. This struggle is magnified by personal pain, anger, and a lack of knowledge regarding how to best support their children throughout the divorce. Parents love their children and want what's best for them, but often they are unaware of or unable to keep their children's well-being a priority. Many times because of all the turmoil surrounding the divorce, a parent's once-effective parenting skills are compromised, needs (both in themselves and their children) are overlooked, and the parent's issues become blurred with those of their children.

"I'd like to be a wedding planner." Wow! We could psychoanalyze her response, but to do so, I believe, would now miss the blessing of the moment: for this young lady to dream of being a wedding planner when she grows up is testimony to hope, redemption, vision, to God's loving caress, even when things are the bleakest.

Effective parenting through a divorce is a difficult task for almost all parents, too difficult to handle on your own. That's why we at Hope Harbor Family Ministries are offering our next Parent Hangout, as part of our "Help me..." series,  a workshop entitled "Help me...I'm now a co-parent" - Parenting through Divorce. We want to help you cope with the emotional pain and personal challenges of your divorce, and at the same time help you discover and practice ways to minimize the negative impact of your divorce on your children.

If you or someone you know in the Tulsa area would find it helpful to learn how to best handle the divorcing process, particularly for a child's sake, please contact us at (918) 928-9820 or HHFM.info for more information or to register for the workshop.

S.a.t.S.