STAR OF THE WEEK

What's the Big Idea?

"A child's self-esteem does not spring from achievements alone. Much more important for most people is that they are accepted by significant people in their lives--that they belong. In fact, much of our effort to be successful is really fueled by our desire to win the acceptance of those significant people. Ironically, what most of us really want deep down inside is to be accepted for just being ourselves, not just for our achievements. This is what it means to feel a sense of belonging'" (Dr. Micheal H. Popkin, Active Parenting Now).

So What?

Chloe B. - always a "Star"

Our (almost) 9-year-old daughter, Chloe, was "Star of the Week" this week in her 3rd grade class. What a great idea! Parents are invited to come to school and eat lunch with their child; to write a letter of affirmation for their child, which the teacher reads to all their classmates; to send a video and/or several pictures of their child, which the teacher displays around the room; or to make a presentation before the class about one's occupation or hobby. Amazingly, Chloe's mother (Mary) and I were able to accomplish all of this! Whew, but it was definitely worth it. Chloe's beaming face, especially at school was enough to thaw the chill of the lunch lady (I apologize if you are a lunch lady, particularly if you are a pleasant one, but they can be rather "drill sergeant-ish."). For us as parents this was a wonderful exercise. It allowed us to divert from what becomes a tired default pattern of handing out and enforcing rules, and to a new, fresh pattern of sorting through happy pictures, remembering funny stories, and reminding ourselves that despite the heartache and self-doubt of parenting we love Chloe (and all our children). And as for Chloe, I am certain that she experienced what Dr. Popkin describes above: a sense of significance, acceptance, belonging. For behind that ginormous smile of hers, positive esteem was secretly forming: "That's right. I belong. And here's proof solid--these important people in my life enjoy celebrating me and love me for me."

Now What?
If you are a parent I encourage you to develop your own "Star of the Week" tradition. Perhaps it will be an occasional letter of encouragement that you write and send to them. Maybe you will create a simple picture collage or video of their unforgettable experiences the previous year. Or, instead of celebrating their birthdays in one elaborate party, you might use the entire week surrounding the birthday to help them feel significant; that is, doing small yet special things each day, such as reading birthday notes from from their friends one night at bedtime, doing a lunch together with just dad or mom, or even arranging a time to present to their class something that will bring them pride and joy. But regardless of what it is, if you see them beaming as a result, then they are likely belonging, and you are making a "Star."

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EnnpYs1d-c&w=420&h=315]

--S.a.t.S.

MAKING OF A "STAR OF THE WEEK"

What's the Big Idea?

"A child's self-esteem does not spring from achievements alone. Much more important for most people is that they are accepted by significant people in their lives--that they belong. In fact, much of our effort to be successful is really fueled by our desire to win the acceptance of those significant people. Ironically, what most of us really want deep down inside is to be accepted for just being ourselves, not just for our achievements. This is what it means to feel a sense of belonging'" (Dr. Micheal H. Popkin, Active Parenting Now).

So What?

Chloe B. - always a "Star"

Our (almost) 9-year-old daughter, Chloe, was "Star of the Week" this week in her 3rd grade class. What a great idea! Parents are invited to come to school and eat lunch with their child; to write a letter of affirmation for their child, which the teacher reads to all their classmates; to send a video and/or several pictures of their child, which the teacher displays around the room; or to make a presentation before the class about one's occupation or hobby. Amazingly, Chloe's mother (Mary) and I were able to accomplish all of this! Whew, but it was definitely worth it. Chloe's beaming face, especially at school was enough to thaw the chill of the lunch lady (I apologize if you are a lunch lady, particularly if you are a pleasant one, but they can be rather "drill sergeant-ish."). For us as parents this was a wonderful exercise. It allowed us to divert from what becomes a tired default pattern of handing out and enforcing rules, and to a new, fresh pattern of sorting through happy pictures, remembering funny stories, and reminding ourselves that despite the heartache and self-doubt of parenting we love Chloe (and all our children). And as for Chloe, I am certain that she experienced what Dr. Popkin describes above: a sense of significance, acceptance, belonging. For behind that ginormous smile of hers, positive esteem was secretly forming: "That's right. I belong. And here's proof solid--these important people in my life enjoy celebrating me and love me for me."

Now What?
If you are a parent I encourage you to develop your own "Star of the Week" tradition. Perhaps it will be an occasional letter of encouragement that you write and send to them. Maybe you will create a simple picture collage or video of their unforgettable experiences the previous year. Or, instead of celebrating their birthdays in one elaborate party, you might use the entire week surrounding the birthday to help them feel significant; that is, doing small yet special things each day, such as reading birthday notes from from their friends one night at bedtime, doing a lunch together with just dad or mom, or even arranging a time to present to their class something that will bring them pride and joy. But regardless of what it is, if you see them beaming as a result, then they are likely belonging, and you are making a "Star."

--S.a.t.S.

FROM MY HEART TO HIS

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFx-TIE3zy8&w=560&h=315]

I could not keep a dry eye. (Thanks, Terry Rush, for sparking my thoughts this morning in worship.) This heart story is at once tragic and thrilling. Tragic because of the fatal loss that made this heart gift possible, thrilling because of the blessed gain that was realized through the tragedy: a dying one was saved.

It reminds me of the pitiful shape of my own stone-cold "spiritual" heart; the incredible gift of a thriving replacement; the terrible death that made that eternal dream come true.

Ezekiel 36:

24-28 "'For here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to take you out of these countries, gather you from all over, and bring you back to your own land. I'll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I'll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I'll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that's God-willed, not self-willed. I'll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands. You'll once again live in the land I gave your ancestors. You'll be my people! I'll be your God! (The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson)

Thanks to God I have a new heart - His very own heart - and with that a certain hope for long life with Him. And if you are unsure about that, then just take my stethoscope and place them in your ears. Listen carefully. You hear? It is the gentle, sturdy beat of His life-giving presence.
Thank you...
I'm sorry for you...
Thank you more.

--S.a.t.S.

FROM MY HEART TO HIS

I could not keep a dry eye. (Thanks, Terry Rush, for sparking my thoughts this morning in worship.) This heart story is at once tragic and thrilling. Tragic because of the fatal loss that made this heart gift possible, thrilling because of the blessed gain that was realized through the tragedy: a dying one was saved. 

It reminds me of the pitiful shape of my own stone-cold "spiritual" heart; the incredible gift of a thriving replacement; the terrible death that made that eternal dream come true.

Ezekiel 36:

24-28 "'For here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to take you out of these countries, gather you from all over, and bring you back to your own land. I'll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I'll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I'll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that's God-willed, not self-willed. I'll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands. You'll once again live in the land I gave your ancestors. You'll be my people! I'll be your God! (The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson)

Thanks to God I have a new heart - His very own heart - and with that a certain hope for long life with Him. And if you are unsure about that, then just take my stethoscope and place them in your ears. Listen carefully. You hear? It is the gentle, sturdy beat of His life-giving presence.
Thank you...
I'm sorry for you...
Thank you more.

--S.a.t.S.

PARENTING WHEN THERE'S THE "OTHER" HOME

...and somehow here, too

What's the Big Idea?

Trying to parent here...

"What do you do when your efforts to pass on your faith are sabotaged by the other home? Parents can and should try to safeguard their children from the influence of the world, but when the 'world' is the other household, parents face a difficult challenge. It's one thing to say, 'Don't listen to the world'; it's another to say, 'Don't listen to your mom [or dad].'" (Ron Deal, Thriving Family magazine, Oct./Nov. 2011).

So What?
I have counseled with several divorced, two-household parents who wonder what to do in just such a predicament. It is a challenge. On the one hand, these parents know (at least intuitively) that children are naturally loyal to biological parents and more tolerant of their parent's questionable behavior. (To a degree this is a blessing, since we parents frequently say and do things before our children that we regret, and then pray they will either not remember or not hold it against us.) Additionally, children often emulate parents, allowing their parent's behavior to become a negative influence on their developing character. On the other hand, efforts to block children's contact with the other parent usually result in legal and emotional consequences for all involved: children grow resentful, abandoning the preventing parent's faith and values; the ex-spouse feels rejected, retaliating in ways that bring even more conflict to the family relationships.

Now What?
The good news is that despite this predicament, you can protect and positively influence your children. Ron Deal suggests four ways to accomplish this:

1. Recognize what you cannot control. You cannot control your ex-spouse's attitudes or actions, and admitting this to yourself will help you avoid prolonged battles between the two homes.


2. Address the values of the other home. Teach your value system but remain neutral about the other parent - no personal attacks, as this burdens your children with your own judgments.


3. Lead your children by example. Pray, discuss the ways of God, and model your commitment to Christ.


4. Be patient during the prodigal years. When your children slide toward the less principled ways of the other parent, gently direct them toward godly standards (not away from the other parent), maintain contact enough to influence them, and leave the rest to God.

--S.a.t.S.

PARENTING WHEN THERE'S THE "OTHER" HOME

...and somehow here, too

What's the Big Idea?

Trying to parent here...

"What do you do when your efforts to pass on your faith are sabotaged by the other home? Parents can and should try to safeguard their children from the influence of the world, but when the 'world' is the other household, parents face a difficult challenge. It's one thing to say, 'Don't listen to the world'; it's another to say, 'Don't listen to your mom [or dad].'" (Ron Deal, Thriving Family magazine, Oct./Nov. 2011).

So What?
I have counseled with several divorced, two-household parents who wonder what to do in just such a predicament. It is a challenge. On the one hand, these parents know (at least intuitively) that children are naturally loyal to biological parents and more tolerant of their parent's questionable behavior. (To a degree this is a blessing, since we parents frequently say and do things before our children that we regret, and then pray they will either not remember or not hold it against us.) Additionally, children often emulate parents, allowing their parent's behavior to become a negative influence on their developing character. On the other hand, efforts to block children's contact with the other parent usually result in legal and emotional consequences for all involved: children grow resentful, abandoning the preventing parent's faith and values; the ex-spouse feels rejected, retaliating in ways that bring even more conflict to the family relationships.

Now What?
The good news is that despite this predicament, you can protect and positively influence your children. Ron Deal suggests four ways to accomplish this:

1. Recognize what you cannot control. You cannot control your ex-spouse's attitudes or actions, and admitting this to yourself will help you avoid prolonged battles between the two homes. 
2. Address the values of the other home. Teach your value system but remain neutral about the other parent - no personal attacks, as this burdens your children with your own judgments. 
3. Lead your children by example. Pray, discuss the ways of God, and model your commitment to Christ.
4. Be patient during the prodigal years. When your children slide toward the less principled ways of the other parent, gently direct them toward godly standards (not away from the other parent), maintain contact enough to influence them, and leave the rest to God.

--S.a.t.S.