STAR OF THE WEEK

What's the Big Idea?

"A child's self-esteem does not spring from achievements alone. Much more important for most people is that they are accepted by significant people in their lives--that they belong. In fact, much of our effort to be successful is really fueled by our desire to win the acceptance of those significant people. Ironically, what most of us really want deep down inside is to be accepted for just being ourselves, not just for our achievements. This is what it means to feel a sense of belonging'" (Dr. Micheal H. Popkin, Active Parenting Now).

So What?

Chloe B. - always a "Star"

Our (almost) 9-year-old daughter, Chloe, was "Star of the Week" this week in her 3rd grade class. What a great idea! Parents are invited to come to school and eat lunch with their child; to write a letter of affirmation for their child, which the teacher reads to all their classmates; to send a video and/or several pictures of their child, which the teacher displays around the room; or to make a presentation before the class about one's occupation or hobby. Amazingly, Chloe's mother (Mary) and I were able to accomplish all of this! Whew, but it was definitely worth it. Chloe's beaming face, especially at school was enough to thaw the chill of the lunch lady (I apologize if you are a lunch lady, particularly if you are a pleasant one, but they can be rather "drill sergeant-ish."). For us as parents this was a wonderful exercise. It allowed us to divert from what becomes a tired default pattern of handing out and enforcing rules, and to a new, fresh pattern of sorting through happy pictures, remembering funny stories, and reminding ourselves that despite the heartache and self-doubt of parenting we love Chloe (and all our children). And as for Chloe, I am certain that she experienced what Dr. Popkin describes above: a sense of significance, acceptance, belonging. For behind that ginormous smile of hers, positive esteem was secretly forming: "That's right. I belong. And here's proof solid--these important people in my life enjoy celebrating me and love me for me."

Now What?
If you are a parent I encourage you to develop your own "Star of the Week" tradition. Perhaps it will be an occasional letter of encouragement that you write and send to them. Maybe you will create a simple picture collage or video of their unforgettable experiences the previous year. Or, instead of celebrating their birthdays in one elaborate party, you might use the entire week surrounding the birthday to help them feel significant; that is, doing small yet special things each day, such as reading birthday notes from from their friends one night at bedtime, doing a lunch together with just dad or mom, or even arranging a time to present to their class something that will bring them pride and joy. But regardless of what it is, if you see them beaming as a result, then they are likely belonging, and you are making a "Star."

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EnnpYs1d-c&w=420&h=315]

--S.a.t.S.